"carrying a child is no easy feat"
Q & A with Nadia Murdock on body image during pregnancy and after birth
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For this week’s edition of weightless, I spoke to Nadia Murdock, a mindset and movement expert, barre instructor and fitness coach. Nadia is also a mom of two young children. In this Q & A, we talk about body image and movement during pregnancy and as a new mom.
Even though I am not a mom and have never been pregnant, I still found everything Nadia had to say very insightful, important and validating. I hope it resonates with you, too.
Take good care of yourself this week,
Julie
q & a with Nadia Murdock
JG: Alright, let’s get the ball rolling! Can you tell us a little bit about your background, what you do, and how people can connect with you?
NM: My name is Nadia Murdock. I am the founder of Nadia Murdock Fit. I'm a mindset and movement expert, that includes barre, stretching, mindfulness, meditation, and then also coaching. You can find me at @NadiaMurdock on Instagram, where I talk about my passion for being a positive body advocate. And that is something that I've always had a passion for, but have recently found a voice to start expressing that passion.
JG: So in our previous conversation, you mentioned that you recently had a baby. During your pregnancy and postpartum, what kind of messages did you get from the media or other moms about your body and the way that your body was changing?NM: I kind of look back on my upbringing and feel like I struggled with my relationship with food. I never looked at it in those terms because it was so taboo. But basically that's what it was. We weren't allowed to snack, we weren't allowed to have “junk food” in the house. So when I left for college, I had a hard time adjusting and I was exposed to foods I'd never seen before and I found comfort in food. I was eating foods that were not making me feel good, and then my movement was just out the window — I wasn't moving. I feel like that's when my struggle with size, body appreciation and the importance of movement started to spark. I mean it goes even before that, like being very tall and statuesque, being the tallest kid in the class and always having petite friends. I've always been focused on my size, even when there was no issue to be focused on.
So now fast forward to having my first son. Before getting pregnant, I was always working out, working out, working out. I really did love it, but my purpose for working out then was very different than now; it was more for aesthetics.
So when I was pregnant - it's funny because I was afraid to admit this - my hugest fear was weight gain. I really wasn't focusing on so many other things that I could be fearful of. It was weight gain and so I was active throughout my first pregnancy and I'm proud of that because it felt good to be active. But when I look back and see why I wanted to be active, it was really about the fear of gaining weight and not really about health, which is different than why I was active with my second son.
All of this was fed to me by media, especially celebrities. Even before I even got pregnant I was like,“Okay, I have to be a fit mom. I have to have this ‘snap back’ body.” So for years I would just watch and idolize women in the eye of the media who got pregnant and were able to “get their pre-baby body” back. But when you really look at it, your body has forever has changed, you'll never get that body back again. And that's not bad. It's a blessing and it's all about perspective. And me even saying those words now, that's not a perspective I had before.
JG: As a new mom, did you grieve the body you used to have? If so, how did you cope with that?
NM: I’ve heard that terminology before and to me it sounds so dark and I don't really look at it that way. My body changed more during my second my second pregnancy than my first pregnancy, but I remember at the end of my first pregnancy I saw a couple stretch marks pop up towards the end, and I remember freaking out, literally calling my best friend and having a meltdown moment. I look back on that and it kind of goes back to what I teach now: just love the skin that you're in. Right? Love it now. Because there are times I look back at old photos and remember then wanting to be what I was five years prior. I wish that I just appreciated where I was [in that photo], when I was there. And so now, I'm dealing with loose skin and more stretch marks. And it's just so funny to look back on how devastated I was with a few little stretch marks on my stomach.
But I wouldn't call it grieving, I think I appreciate each stage that my body has gone through and how it's really been resilient. In addition to pregnancy, I've been through a few surgeries, and I look back on my scars, and I look back on my stretch marks and everything, and I think about how amazing the human body is. And just having that appreciation for it, makes me want to continue to be the best version of myself in terms of treating my body well and appreciating what it can do. Because I don't think many people really do that, we're always looking to change our bodies. But we're never really appreciating what it can currently do. Until the moment it can’t do that. Right? And so it's sort of like telling someone you love them now, not when they're gone. And so that's kind of like how I look at it.
When you say you’re grieving your former body, it's like saying the body you have now is something to be sad about. And so that's why I didn't like it. Because for example, I run faster than I did before. So I think that language can bring you back to a negative loophole. And that's why I don't choose to identify with that.
JG: That makes a lot of sense. And I agree, it's almost like there's no right word to describe that feeling of, you know, wanting your old body. What tools did you use? What would you recommend other women do to help do them reframe and appreciate their body? How did you switch that mindset?
NM: I think exposure and being mindful about what I was feeding my brain. Like plastic surgeons have mommy makeover packages. And it's just like, what?!? It's not something to be ashamed of. Carrying a child is no easy feat. And then, for me, I carried my child during a pandemic. So the more I looked at it as something to be proud of, the more I was like, '“F*ck that, I'm wearing a sports bra.” But 15 years ago I would have been like, '“You should wear a shirt” or “You should cover up”. And it's just so funny how much I've evolved as a person and what I consider important and what I consider beautiful. And I think self reflection is so key. If you are not feeling good after having a conversation with a certain person, watching a certain thing or reading a certain thing, then that's something you need to dissect. Ask yourself, “why didn't that make me feel good?” If it starts to question my worth, or my beauty inside and outside, that's something that I need to pay attention to or remove or peel back from.
And so I think for me, just being more in tune with myself really helped me let go. The amount of energy I put into caring so much was exhausting. And it was a disservice to my happiness.
It doesn't have to be a pregnancy, anything big that you go through is going to change you, if you allow it to change you in the right ways. You can learn so much from big things in life. And I think I allowed myself to learn those lessons, and I learned one from each child. And so the biggest thing was letting go and caring less. And that has allowed me to make a bigger impact, not only as a mother, but as an expert in my field.
JG: That makes a lot of sense. And it seems like it's one of those things that kind of comes with age and experience.
NM: Yeah, and you're lucky if you're able to make those discoveries earlier in life, but it doesn't mean you missed the boat if you don’t. You still made that discovery. I think we're so hung up as a society of what to do next, what to accomplish next, and we miss what we have accomplished, right? What's sitting right in front of us. Every win big or small is a win, and I think the more that we start recognizing that, the more that will will grow as people.
JG: I think that's really helpful insight. Because I always I feel as though I'm running out of time, or life is just happening so fast and I'm constantly looking for the next thing to accomplish, always, always, always. So I think that’s helpful general life advice.
NM: I think it's important to be driven and to be motivated, but not to look at it to like you’re running out of time. I've had so many friends that felt that way and therefore they made rush decisions and wrong decisions that did not serve them. So take your time and remove that idea of '“running out of time.” This could apply to what we're talking about in terms of your recovery postpartum. Whose time clock are you on? Your time clock is your time clock, you don't need to compare yourself to someone else. Your journey is your journey, and you'll get there when you're supposed to get there. And that's something that I also learned over time, because I feel like everything has brought me where I'm supposed to be. To be able to speak so passionately about something that is close to my heart, that would have never happened if I had rushed and done things a different way, thinking I had to get to a certain place at a certain time.
JG: Pivoting back to the language around postpartum bodies, why do you think there is this pressure to “bounce back?”
NM: Again, comparison. And the community. The same way that we're starting to break down diet culture, I think the same thing needs to happen within motherhood and those pregnancy and postpartum communities. I think the language needs to change, the focus needs to change. Honoring stretch marks and loose skin and things that come with pregnancy. Those things have always been viewed as bad or needed to be fixed or something to not talk about. And I think the more we start to honor it and change the way we collectively look at [our bodies after pregnancy], it will change the way moms put those pressures on themselves. How we're talking about ourselves publicly or amongst friends or in media, that needs to shift. It's a domino effect, right? The more we start talking about ourselves positively, the more others might, too. These are learned behaviors for years and it's going to take time. I think a large, a large amount of the pressure comes from comparison. And people just not being completely vulnerable and authentic in terms of what they're going through. And I think the more we see that, the better.
JG: You touched on something that I want to bring up - I feel like the marketing of postpartum diet culture is all about targeting a vulnerable population, right? Being a new mom, you're exhausted, you’re hormonal, you're overwhelmed, all of these factors that you mentioned. And to me, it feels like the marketing is very predatory for that. Do you agree? What what are your thoughts on that?
NM: So in marketing, they play upon your pain point. They manipulate it. With my first son, I ate it up. I’d watch YouTube workout videos, or look at other mothers who were what mainstream society considers beautiful. But what we have to remember is our bodies are different. You should be focusing on rest. Having a baby is trauma on your body. You need to be healing, you need to be doing low breathing, you need to be working on your pelvic floor. You don't need to be doing boot camps and whatever. Some women have faster recoveries after both, some have slower recoveries. But if you had a C section and you have a slower recovery, the marketing doesn't care, they're not taking any of that into consideration on what individual women may have gone through. And so kick them when they're down because that's when you're going to start opening up your wallet and start drinking the Kool Aid and putting on those waist trainers and God knows what else. And all of that stuff is not what your body needs. Your body needs basic, wholesome nutrition. You need rest. You need restorative exercise.
There are tons of shakes and workouts and all this stuff. And none of this stuff is talking about your mindset. None of this stuff is talking about sleep. None of this stuff is talking about creating a community where you can vent or you have support. And I think that's what's really missing. And they don't want to create that because once those avenues are opened, that will put a dent in their their revenue. Because people may start to think, “Oh, maybe I don't need this shake,” or “Maybe I don't need this crazy workout routine.”
They are predators of postpartum women because we are very vulnerable and emotional and maybe seeking some sense of normalcy of who we once were.
JG: What are some ways that new moms or people who are pregnant can do movement in a way that is restorative and not as strenuous as, like you mentioned , a bootcamp class? What are some ways they can be kind to their body and their mind?
NM: Walking. That's something that's always recommended. Especially if you don't have childcare, that's something where you can take your child with you. Put them in the stroller, go out for a long walk.
It’s important to pace yourself. I need to practice what I preach, it was hard for me with my second pregnancy especially being cooped up during the pandemic for so long, I couldn't wait to just move my body the way I wanted to. But rushing back into movement can cause injury and then you have to start all over again or pull back again. So definitely listen to your body, go at your own pace. Walking is excellent. Some yoga is good, but again, you have to be mindful of some of the poses because they may put too much strain, especially if you have a C section and you have stitches. So just be conscientious of the types of movement you do. Your body will let you know, right? If something doesn't feel good, you shouldn't do it. But definitely get clearance from your doctor.
Breathing is excellent. Diaphragm breathing. Just sitting there and doing deep breathing is excellent not only for your mind and to calm you, but it also helps you reengage your core. These are simple things. They don't have to be dramatic to be effective. And it also will help you connect your mind and body. Which I think we lose when we're carrying our child. We need to reconnect our mind and our body once we've removed our little ones from us and just get reconnected with ourselves.
JG: And that leads me to my last question for you. As a mom and as somebody who is in the fitness space, what do you want to teach your kids about body image and fitness?
NM: Yeah, it's a great question. Each child has helped me grow as a person and as a mom. And I've looked at things differently that I may not have looked at before. So one thing that I that I'm teaching my four-year-old is that we don't comment on people's bodies and no body is better than another body.
After you have a baby, your belly is still hella big and so he's like “Mama, is there another baby?” It's completely innocent, but I don't want him to go to the store and ask a stranger a question like that. So I’m teaching him not to comment on people's bodies. There’s a little girl in his class and he said “She's hairy.” I reminded him that everybody's different and we don't comment on people's bodies. This is something that I'm mindful of that I never really thought of before until I had a child.
It’s the same thing that goes into fitness. I use language that focuses on being healthy and strong. That's something that as a fitness professional and as a mom I want to get across: I work out not for any aesthetic purpose, but to care for my body. I tell them your body is your temple, you take care of it. You know, it's the only body you've got. Love it. Love what it can do.
I think he's getting it. He saw a stretch mark on my tummy and said, “Mama?…never mind.” And then I asked, “what's your question? and he said “I don't want to make you feel bad.” No, no, no, no, you can ask questions. I don't want him to feel that he can't ask questions. But I also want him to be mindful of the type of questions that he's asking. Because you don't want to make anybody feel bad about a scar or anything else. And I feel like this will transcend through his adolescence and adulthood.
JG: Is there anything else that I didn't ask about that you think is important for readers to know?
NM: I just think it's important to know that being a mom can feel very isolating, especially if you're a new mom. I felt that a lot with my first son. And so I just think it's important as moms, we use whatever platform you have to support each other and lift each other up. Let's let each other know that it's okay. You'll get there. And there's no time clock to get there.
resource corner
All of the resources I’ve linked below are about eating disorders, disordered eating, body image, and Health At Every Size® during pregnancy & after birth. If you know of any additional helpful resources on this topic, please leave a comment linking to them.
Unhealthy relationships with food during and after pregnancy
'You're Huge!' and 7 Other Things You Need to Stop Saying to Pregnant Women
Rock Recovery “Coffee & Conversations for Moms” support group
what nourished me this past week
what nourished my soul: How to separate romantic rejection from your self-worth by Rachel Thompson for Mashable.
what nourished my soul: My freelance writer friend group chat. I met them all through Twitter and now our text thread is just a continuous virtual hug. I love love love it.
what nourished my body: I recently started to take my dog for more walks during the week. There was a point earlier this year where I was walking and running every day, but as my ED symptoms came roaring back, I stopped all physical activity. Building up a gentle routine again has been hard! (Good podcasts help - send me your recommendations.)
what nourished my brain: I watched all of Only Murders in the Building on Hulu. Who knew that Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez would become my favorite mystery-solving trio? It’s so cozy and captivating.
what nourished my belly: Ensure shakes. I started to supplement my food intake during the day with these shakes to help get enough nourishment during the day. It’s been a gentle reminder that being nourished and practicing self care is not always Instagram-worthy or cute. It often means doing hard or practical things to keep yourself alive and healthy.
What nourished you this week? Share it with me!