"my life was always going to be small if I spent all my time trying to evaporate"

read my interview with Nadia Murdock!

happy sunday!

I wanted to share a recent interview I did with Nadia Murdock, a mindset and fitness expert, barre instructor and all-around amazing person. I first met Nadia when writing a piece about fitness trackers for WIRED, and then she spoke with me about postpartum body image for this newsletter. Now the tables have turned, and Nadia interviewed me about body acceptance and my eating disorder recovery for her blog.

Here’s a brief snippet:

NMFit: What was the most vital shift that needed to happen in your life in order for you to start healing and accepting yourself?

Julie: To be totally honest, fear was my first real motivation for recovery. I saw all of the damage and harm my eating disorder was causing. I was afraid that if I kept going down that path, I’d get really, really sick. I was afraid that all of my successes and ambitions would go out the window. I was afraid I wouldn’t be physically able to keep up with all that I wanted to do with my life. And I was also afraid of the person I was when I was obedient to my eating disorder. I was depressed, anxious, secretive, rigid, obsessive, disorganized, emotionally volatile, the list could go on. None of it was sustainable, and none of it was reflective of who I really am and what my values really are. 

But once I entered eating disorder treatment, I realized how good it felt to take care of myself. And that was the groundbreaking shift for me. It feels amazing to wake up and not feel every muscle in my body ache from exhaustion. It feels good to laugh with people I love and enjoy hobbies again. It feels so good to go for a walk with my best friend because I enjoy it, not because I need to get X amount of steps in for the day. In my eating disorder, I didn’t even know it was possible to feel that good. I had no idea that’s how most people felt on a day-to-day basis. And by taking care of my body, I have so much more physical and mental energy. And with that energy, I’m able to see that life is meant to be more than self-hatred and being as small as possible. My life was always going to be small if I spent all my time trying to evaporate.